WebTrends – Official Pricks

WebTrends SucksYou may remember WebTrends from 10 years ago when they were just a web log analyzer. They would run reports based on your log files and grind your computer to a halt in the process.

Steadily over the years they increased their costs and we decided to drop them for a stats package that did the exact same thing but for 1/10th the cost.  This was around 2000.

Last week, after making some changes with our current stats provider, I thought about WebTrends and tried to see what new and exciting offerings they had.

Their website had no details on price, so I called.  There weren’t any salespeople around (strange for a large company), so I left a message.  Someone called me back within a day, but she wasn’t a salesperson and couldn’t tell me prices.  For that, she had to refer me to someone else.

That someone never called.  Only after sending an email entitled, “Do you want my business?” did I get an email telling me to call them.

When I called, I had to leave another message, but at least the woman called me back within an hour.

I explained what I needed again, and she danced around the pricing issues.  She even had to take out a calculator at one point.  Take out a calculator?  Seriously?

And then it came…some un-godly number that was about 1000% higher than what I already have.  Like a parent to a two year old, she asked “Does that work within your budget?”  I replied, “Yeah, but I really don’t like the vibe.  I think I will pass”.

It was obvious from the time they found out I didn’t work for a large conglomerate that they didn’t want to work with me.  I was treated like I was a homeless person walking into Neiman Marcus and asking to try on a Prada Suit.

I have a feeling I know why she needed the calculator.  It was to figure out the “f*ck off tax”.

Now playing: J.J. Cale & Eric ClaptonHard To Thrill

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